Worthless
by Lovely.Minty
Summary: (AU) Feeling the stress of college life Wolfram crumbles to the pressure doing whatever he can to survive. He goes to all extremes to cope with himself and life; destroying himself in mind and body. Can he manage to overcome his emotions or will he be forever broken. Pairing: Yuuram
1. Chapter 1

Worthless - (AU) Feeling the stress of college life Wolfram crumbles to the pressure doing whatever he can to survive. He goes to all extremes to cope with himself and life; destroying himself in mind and body. Can he manage to overcome his emotions or will he be forever broken. Pairing: Yuuram

AN – I'm new here so here I go... I have always enjoyed KKM as a series but will forever love Yuuram as one of my all-time favorite couples. I enjoy reading/writing AU fan fiction being able to be versatile with different scenarios and worlds. This fan fiction focuses on Wolfram struggling with himself and college life with Yuuri as his roomie.  
It will capture a lot on binge eating (stress eating) along with eating disorders and a lot more mental and physical self-harm. I'm not a very good writer but I felt the itch to do something and writing something on real, everyday issues is rather good for a nice AU story. I try to captivate the characters in character but may go OOC being an AU and all!  
So hopefully it's enjoyable.  
Note, italic text character thoughts.

* * *

Chapter 1 – Stress Eating

Chapter Summary ~ Unable to focus on school work emotionally charged Wolfram breaks down only to find comfort in a series of binges with food to cope with his anxiety. Will his roommate Shibuya Yuuri add to his stressful life?

* * *

Anxiety, depression, stress.

These emotions clouded the blonde boy who sat at a large desk. He let out a light sigh pressing the palm of his hand to his cheek and braced himself so to lean against the desk.

His eyes tired and red with exhaustion; he stared down at the pile of open books that consisted mostly of advanced business titles.  
He slowly pried open his laptop feeling the pain of his current mental state he felt his eyes glass over.

_This is too much..._ He thought to himself. _I hate this._

He glanced at the time realizing it was only nearing 6pm. _I'm already tired, yet I have so much work to do..._ Then realizing that his roommate would be arriving home shortly he grumbled to himself. _What an annoyance. I can't stand him._

_You can handle this Wolfram. Get a hold of yourself._ He reminded himself trying to shake off the negative emotions. _That idiot wimp is always so noisy._

He felt a pain caress over his stomach and realized he had yet to eat.

Wolfram, in the past, had always been a headstrong person. Yet now being on his own and under the pressure of college life was hitting him hard. There were high expectations for him to succeed and become successful like his older brothers.

He was falling apart slowly without even knowing what to do. He did not want to look weak. So he did whatever he could to keep going no matter the consequences.

Slowly he reached into the desk drawer pulling out whatever food he had stashed there earlier. Junk food; he almost felt relieved seeing the large quantity of sweets.

The forbidden substance from his childhood, he loved sweets but only received it on rare occasions. His brothers always made sure to look after him. Maybe they had been a bit too overprotective to the point of smothering making it difficult to adjust to a life alone.

He almost felt relief as he popped the sugary snacks into his mouth. _Maybe now I can focus on my work..._

The last 2 months of this current lifestyle was taking its toll on the young boys mind and body. The sluggish feeling, he had very little energy, even putting on a bit of weight.

He suddenly heard the shuffle of footsteps and light laughter outside the dorm room door.

_Oh great..._ That stupid room mate and friend of his. _Now I'll never be able to focus._

Just as the thought crossed his mind of maybe locking them out the door opened and 2 boys stepped in. Both with onyx black hair and eyes.

"Shibuya! You did well at practice today." Wolfram heard from behind him. He turned and glanced at the 2 boys. Ugh, Murata. I can't stand him. Yet I can't stand that wimp Shibuya Yuuri even more.

Yuuri with a wide grin looked at his friend. "Well, having a sport scholarship means I have to work hard, right?"

Wolfram snarled and kept his glance towards his work. _Do they have to be so inconsiderate?_

Yuuri was the type of people Wolfram couldn't stand; always happy-go-lucky, friendly with everyone and a complete and utter WIMP. Unfortunately he had to be tolerated being his roommate and all. Yet this did not go without the both having multiple arguments on a daily basis.

"Ah, very true Shibuya. I'm glad your aptitude has increased since High school!" Murata pushed his glasses up further on the bridge of his nose as he spoke.

Yuuri threw down his sports bag and sat down swiftly to the comfort of his bed. He pried open a nearby water bottle and sighed heart fully after taking a gulp. "Waaah, it's so tiring though."

Murata had no part in Yuuri's sports yet applied himself as Yuuri's personal coach from what Wolfram understood. He knew a bit about the boy from some of his classes since they were both studying business.

"Ah, well as expected Shibuya...Although..." Murata brought a finger to his lips tapping them softly as he thought to himself for a moment. "You had some admirers out there today. Some of those girls were pretty cute." Murata winked.

"E-eh?!" Yuuri almost choked on his water and stared at Murata. "R-really?"

Wolfram couldn't stand it anymore. He spun around swiftly in his chair his arms crossed as he glared at the two boys. "Seriously, every time, don't you realize you are not the only one that occupies this room?! I am working here or have you not noticed you ignorant moron?"

He was furious leaving the 2 boys stunned for a moment until Yuuri glared back. "This is my room too! Besides...you have all night to study. You are always WAY too uptight!"

Wolfram rubbed his forehead and bit his lower lip softly. "Look, apparently you don't know how to work hard! I however, am more disciplined AND far more intelligent then you to actually do well you pathetic wimp!" He was furious. Wolfram couldn't hold anything back right now. In some ways he almost wanted to cry, breakdown and scream from the pressure.

Before Yuuri could respond Murata cut in. "A-ah, well I'll be going now Shibuya-er- I have some work to catch up on as well!" Murata made a dash for the door knowing full well that getting caught up with another argument would be deadly.

"Hey M-..." The door slammed shut and Yuuri almost pouted then remembered the blonde sitting across the room from him. "Seriously Wolfram? Do you have to be such a-"

Wolframs eyes widened. "I would not finish that sentence if I were you."

Yuuri rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, we need to compromise here... This is both of our rooms. I come here to wind down after practice. Murata is my best friend; you can't just refuse to let me have my friend over."

Wolfram relaxed back in his chair and thought for a moment. "F-fine. " Realizing that this would be nowhere and he was wasting his energy on such a moronic individual he turned back to his work trying to recall where he had left off.

Yuuri blinked almost stunned by the sudden agreement from his blonde roommate. That was unexpected. He thought but rather it best not to question it. Wolfram was always so demanding and to see him back down so quickly was surprising.

Wolfram began typing swiftly at his laptop after cooling down a bit and collecting his thoughts. He heard Yuuri retreat to their bathroom then within moments heard the soft sound of the shower.

Drowning himself out from time and his surroundings for what seemed hours Wolfram felt his whole body and mind ache. _Thankfully his report was finished,_ he sighed in relief.

He leaned his chair back and stretched, his eyes closed in relaxation.

"Hey, Wolf."

Wolfram jumped turning slightly in his chair to see Yuuri looking down at him. Wolfram blinked his tired green eyes. "Y-yes?"

"Ah..." Yuuri grinned rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Here." Yuuri held out a small plate to the confused blonde which had a few chocolate chip cookies on them. "Well, my mom sent too many. So... to apologize for earlier."

Wolfram sat stunned for a moment before taking the decorative plate. "Pft..." He turned away from Yuuri his cheeks tinted pink. "Just, don't do it again."

Yuuri almost wanted to get angry with the boy but figured trying to make a truce would be a better option. "I'm going to head to the cafe next door for something to eat. Did... you want to join me?" Yuuri asked as he pulled a black leather jacket on.

Wolfram perked up and blinked. "Me?" Was all he could ask.

Wolfram wasn't always one to have friends. He was home schooled his whole life and the only child he had associated with was his cousin Elizabeth. Once he reached his teen years some would say he was very sheltered as a child. Wolfram grew up a very delicate boy, being spoiled and pampered by his mother and 2 older brothers.

Yuuri pulled on his black converse and chuckled. "Yes, you."

He didn't know much about Yuuri but that he was the complete opposite of himself. Everything seemed so easy going for Yuuri. He never seemed to have to work hard. It bothered Wolfram to his very core. Wolfram had been so diligent and as some would almost say perfect; scoring well on all tests and assignments. He had always been the vision of perfection.

Standing at a average 5'5" tall, smooth porcelain skin, blonde golden locks of hair and piercing fierce beautiful green eyes. He had always been slim; his physique was the utmost perfection throughout his teenage life. His features were very soft and feminine almost of a doll.

Yet deciding to go off to America to study had been a downfall. He also received an academic scholarship in business-some would say pressured by his oldest brother Gwendal - he was going in a slow decline for disaster. He looked up to his big brother, he admired him and did not want to disappoint him.

"W-well..."Wolfram almost lost composure. "Humph. I guess I could go with you." Wimp. He almost muttered aloud.

Wolfram stood up from his chair almost off balance but caught himself without Yuuri noticing._ I must be just tired..._ He thought to himself pulling on a pair of shoes and grabbing his hooded sweater.

"Ready?" Yuuri questioned the dazed blonde.

Wolfram nodded and they both headed out the door.

* * *

_Perfect, perfection, beauty, beautiful boy. Perfect...perfect... perfection..._

Wolfram stared out the cafe window almost in a trance as he sat at a nearby table holding his coffee cup almost protectively. His mind lost in thought as he stared at his tired reflection. It was already getting dark out and the street lights illuminated the sidewalks.

He was pulled out of his trance by the familiar voice of his roommate Yuuri.

"Here." He pushed a tray towards him.

Wolfram blinked looking at the sandwich and salad before him. He looked up at Yuuri confused.

"I thought maybe you'd want something else other than the drink."

Wolfram frowned. _Why?_ He questioned inwardly. He took a drink of his coffee and sighed. "I'm fine."

Yuuri frowned along with him. "Eh? I barely see you eat anything if you do it usually isn't healthy. It'll help." Knowing his roommates bad eating and work habits he thought treating him might break the boy of this pattern. As his mother always taught him to always have 3 good meals a day! Ah, how he missed his mom.

Wolfram snapped again. "Excuse me, but that really isn't any of your business." He shot the boy another of his glares. "Clearly you know nothing about me!"

"Hey! That's not true. I've been your roommate for what... going on 3 months now?" Yuuri had never met someone so ungrateful. "Besides you can learn a lot about someone in that time."

Wolfram stifled a laugh. "Oh, really? Tell me wimp, what could you possibly know about me?"

Yuuri sighed. I didn't want this to turn into another argument, but he just doesn't get it that I'm just trying to be friends.

"Well..." Yuuri started poking around at his meal with his fork. " I'm not a wimp!"

"I don't have time for this..." Wolfram mumbled getting up from his seat he harshly placed some money on the table. "For the meal."

Yuuri stared at the beautiful blonde. "Wait…Wolf, just stay. It's not good for you to stay cooped up in your room like that."

"I can't believe I let you drag me out here when I'm so busy." The blonde spat. His cheeks tinted red with anger.

Yuuri just didn't understand the blonde's short fuse. "Look, I didn't drag you. I asked and you came! Don't turn this around on me you selfish brat!" Yuuri was generally a very calm person but lately dealing with the other boy's mood swings was just getting to him.

Wolfram clenched his fists. "Selfish? Me? I don't think so!" By now the people in the café were staring at the two bickering boys.

Yuuri stood up from his chair now as well. "I was just trying to be your friend; clearly you are too stupid to realize it!" he was angry now. Yuuri wasn't very intimidating but standing at least 5 inches taller than the blonde and holding a more muscular physique it didn't seem to work on the fuming boy.

**Smack!**

Yuuri stood stunned feeling the sharp tingle on his cheek. Did Wolfram just slap him, really? Before he could shake it off Wolfram was already out the door leaving Yuuri alone only to realize that everyone was staring some chuckling softly at the sight before them.

_I can't believe he slapped me of all things. Why did I ever think that I could make friends with such a jerk?_ Yuuri sighed as the crowd of people slowly went back to their own business. _What's the point to even worry about someone so stubborn?_ He nibbled on his food and fell felt himself pout._ I don't understand Murata is in his classes and doesn't seem to have any problem with the workload. He even gets exceptional grades… although Murata is a genius, I swear. Wolfram just seems to constantly be stressed. Maybe I'll ask Murata tomorrow._

Yuuri finished his meal and made his way back up to the dorm room, he pressed up against the door softly. It was quiet so maybe Wolfram calmed down. He slowly unlocked the door and eased it open. He glanced in seeing his roommate propped up on his bed the low light of the lamp illuminating his soft features as he read. He noted the empty plate on his bed and he sighed.

_Why did I have to get someone so stubborn as a roommate?_

_Why did I have to get someone so wimpy as a roommate?_

Yuuri rid himself of his jacket and shoes and sat down on his bed placing the plate on his nightstand. He stretched, his muscles ached and it felt good to finally relax. He pulled his laptop towards himself and retreated to a comfortable position on his bed.

Yuuri was on a health kick since he found out of got the sport scholarship. Although he had always been very active he was also very determined to succeed. He was always a goofy kid growing up, he found his passion in baseball and worked really hard to get where he is today. It was his life, his dream. He wanted to make his family proud. He missed them, he grew up in Japan, and it was his home. But doing this was such a great opportunity that he couldn't pass it up. He hoped that in the future he could play professionally.

Feeling a bit of home sickness he decided to send an email to his family.

Wolfram on the other hand did not talk to his family often. A stray phone call here and there was heard but other than that Wolfram seemed to shut himself out from the rest of the world. It had already been 2 months but he stressed to them that he was always busy and did not want to be disturbed. Wolfram didn't understand the feeling of being stressed so be passed it off as being the norm of college life. He was coping with it in different ways, mostly centered on his sugary snacks. It made him feel more relaxed.

Coffee was an essential daily for the blonde. He just could not function without it. He did not want to disappoint his family, so he did what he had to do to keep the façade of perfection. He did not want to disgrace his family with poor accomplishments.

Wolfram glanced over at Yuuri who yawned sleepily. He parted his mouth to speak to the onyx haired boy and realized he wasn't sure what to say. _Should I apologize? He was the rude one…_ He should be the one apologizing. _Humph_. _But I guess he was just being Yuuri and butting into things that were none of his business; such a typical thing for a wimp like him to do._

He popped a chocolate piece into his mouth and sighed. "Look, I-"

He heard a soft snore escape his roommate's body and stopped himself realizing that he was asleep.

Asleep, Wolfram thought, somehow I feel relieved.

Wolfram stretched and slowly laid down to the comfort of his bed. I guess I'll get to sleep as well…

_Perfect, you have to be perfect._

_Without that you are nothing, nobody, worthless, pathetic, a loser; no one would want you, everyone would detest you, you would be a failure. Your family would hate you, they would punish you._

_You are worthless, a waste of space, be perfect or be nothing._

**Thump!**

"W-wolfram!"

Wolfram's eyes shot open and he gasped feeling a slight pain tingle throughout his body. He was covered in sweat and his heart was beating fast. "Y-Yuuri…?"

It took Wolfram a moment to realize that he had rolled onto the floor. He blushed with embarrassment as Yuuri helped pull the boy up into a sitting position.

"You were mumbling in your sleep… and you were thrashing about and fell to the floor. Are you ok?" Yuuri almost sounded cold as if not to be overly concerned.

Wolfram blinked slowly. He rubbed the back of his head then nodded.

Yuuri observed the boy making sure he didn't get hurt in the fall. He blushed as he remembered Wolfram's sleeping attire. A pink knee length frilly nightgown; he had no clue why but that's what the blonde preferred to sleep in. The last and first time he questioned it was a huge mistake. He blushed even further seeing as the night gown had rid up to his thighs showing soft porcelain skin.

Gladly Wolfram did not notice the observations of his roommate as he began to pull himself up from the floor with Yuuri's support. "T-thank you…" He muttered softly.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Yuuri questioned as he handed the blonde a bottle of water from his nightstand.

Wolfram shrugged slightly. "I don't know…" He took a sip of the water and handed it back to Yuuri. "I can't remember so I'm sure it was nothing really." He mumbled and sat slowly onto his bed.

Wolfram felt his eyes twinge with tears and he fought it back to the best he could. It was dark so the other boy wouldn't have noticed. He felt wide awake now, yet at the same time he felt like he had no energy and his stomach hurt. Everything in his mind was like a haze like he couldn't focus.

"If you say so…" Yuuri felt the need to just curl back up in his warm bed and retreat back to his slumber but he turned and looked down at the blonde one last time trying to make sure he was ok before his retreat.

Wolfram remained still and spotted his roommates movements in the dark as his eyes slowly adjusted. He felt embarrassed of his actions and a word crossed his mind harshly.

_Worthless._

Wolfram tightened his fists onto his lap and shook his head. _Stupid; stop thinking like a wimp._ He took a deep breath and lay back down on the comfort of his mattress. He dreaded it but he pried his laptop open and peered at the time. 2am. Really? He thought groaning inwardly.

He grabbed headphones that sat on his nightstand and pushed them to his ears. If he couldn't sleep he might as well drown out the silence with music. He opened his playlist in hopes that music would calm him.

He wanted to just drown out the world truthfully, he felt anxious and scared. His body trembled slightly and he pulled the comforter over his body. This feeling was overwhelming it disturbed him and he wanted something else to focus on. He reached grabbing a hold of a bag of chocolate candies that sat on the floor next to the bed.

He couldn't recall when had be accumulated such a high quantity of junk food, maybe out of impulse or stress. It was his way of stress release. Stress eater? Since when has binging on food been something he had done? Maybe coming out of a more controlled environment made him more impulsive. He shrugged not really caring since it made him feel better.

* * *

He must have drifted off…

He heard, what sounded like, a low ringing sound and hazily opened his eyes. His head phones must have slipped off during the night and he groaned leaning upward on one arm. He felt so exhausted still.

He blinked realizing the sound was coming from his phone. He grabbed it hastily and looked at the caller. Conrad. He thought with a sigh.

He answered in a groggy tone. "What?"

"Hey Wolfram, wait, are you just getting up?"

Wolfram growled. "Duh, what do you think?"

"Hmm, no class this morning?"

"Class…?"Wolfram sat dumbfounded then looked at the time. His eyes widened in panic. "Shit!" He hissed.

"Wolf-."

He cut Conrad off in a hurry as he hung up on him, throwing his phone onto the bed.

_Shit! Shit, shit shit! I've never been late. Ever. I can't be late. I can't._

He was panicing. Grabbing a pair of sweat pants and a sweater he rushed pulling a pair of sneakers on and lastly latching onto his laptop protectively. He ran out of the room fumbling with the key to lock the door.

He bolted out of the building and made a dash towards campus._ Ugh._ It was raining of course. He pulled a door open and breathed heavily leaning up against the wall. He felt a pain into his stomach and instantly felt sick. He felt a stinging in his eyes as he slid down to the floor feeling tears run down his cheeks. Luckily there was no one around to see the sight.

He stayed there for what seemed at least 10 minutes and pulled himself up slowly. He felt his chest grow tight and his breaths in labored sobs.

He swallowed and let out a deep breath. I need to calm down. It's no big deal. It's once, I'm late once. It's not a big deal. You're panicking over nothing. Since when do I panic over stupid things? He did his best to pull himself together as he approached the classroom.

_Worthless…_

He concentrated all of his strength and pulled himself into a confident posture and entered the classroom.

_How can you not see how pathetically worthless you are?_

* * *

"Hey Shibuya!" Murata's cheerful voice echoed in the gymnasium.

Yuuri waved to his approaching friend with a smile. "Hey Murata." He responded cheerfully as he did a few stretches for his warm-up.

"Hmm, how did last night go? Sorry I abandoned you like that. I just thought you could handle it." Murata grinned awkwardly almost apologetic.

Yuuri rolled his eyes and sighed recalling yesterday's events. He really didn't want to think of his bratty roommate at the moment but he turned to look at Murata with a serious expression. "I hate him Murata. I have never felt such annoyance towards someone in my entire life. I really don't understand why he has to be so snobby. I try to be his friend-I really do- It's just every time I say or do anything nice it blows up in my face. I can't stand him."

"Oh?" Murata simply responding adjusting his glasses carefully almost in deep thought.

"Yeah! He… slapped me-I mean- I go and buy him dinner and he gets angry! I can't believe it. Who does that?" Yuuri felt furious, this is the first time in his life where another human being had got him so upset. He proceeded to continue his warm up exercises as Murata rose an eyebrow.

"You bought him dinner?"

Yuuri slapped himself mentally. "Not what you think Murata…Geez. Pervert. I was just concerned-that's all!" Yuuri stood and faced Murata. "Look I'm just trying to get him off my back all the time. He nags at me for everything but lately… he's been the one that I should complain about, he's become so obsessive with his school work he leaves his side of the room a mess he's become more irritable and constantly gets angry about every little thing. In just the short time I've known him he's changed."

"Changed, eh, like being late for class?"

Yuuri blinked. "He was late? Now that you mention it he didn't sleep well last night. He was tossing and mumbling a lot of the night." Yuuri stood in thought for moment. "Eh, Murata…?"

"Hm," Murata questioned looking at Yuuri's expression turn more serious.

"You seem to have no issues with your workload… is it really stressful. I mean Wolfram always seems stressed." Yuuri continued. "I mean you have perfect grades and have plenty of free time."

"Ah…" Murata tapped his chin. "Well, I find it fairly basic. I study when I need to." He shrugged.

"Wolfram doesn't seem like one to struggle or stress. Oh well…" Yuuri trailed off focusing again on his work out. "Not like…I really care." He muttered running a hand through his matted sweaty hair.

_Spoiled brat…_

* * *

Wolfram had someone made it through his classes without another breakdown. He curled up on his bed hidden beneath the large puffy comforter. His lay in a fetal position, eyes closed and his breathing relaxed.

_I don't understand what is going on with me. I have to pull myself together. This is not me at all. I'm nothing like this. Ugh, I need to get up._

"Ugh…" He groaned as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. His hair disheveled yet giving him a cute childish look. He bit his lip softly glancing over at his roommate's side of the room noticing its vacancy he felt a moment of loneliness.

_So tired…_ He muttered, _and hungry…- maybe I'm just working too hard. I need to take more time to eat._ He stopped and frowned, _I would never admit that Yuuri was right._

He had a sudden overload of stress take over his body. _I really don't feel like going out. So bothersome, I think I will just order something, that would be…so much easier. I could at least stay in and study and not have to worry about wasting time. I don't know why I never thought of doing this in the first place._ He smiled softly knowing the convenience of the idea.

He grabbed his phone and thought for a moment continuing to chew on his bottom lip playfully. The thought of what he could order almost intoxicated him. He had never been one to eat very much; he had always maintained a perfect figure but right now it never crossed his mind to even care. The feeling was so comforting to him.

He proceeded in making his call his green eyes wide with anticipation and he nibbled now softly on his thumb nail. He felt nervous and giddy at the same time. It was such a forbidden excitement; he finished his order and hung up.

He let out a deep breath and glanced down at his phone._ Hm, a text message?_ He brushed a few strands of his golden locks behind his ear still nibbling on his thumb. _Oh, just Conrad._

"Are you ok Wolfram? We are worried about you. Please give us a call now and then to let us know that you are ok."

He rolled his eyes, _typical Conrad._

He waited what seemed like forever for his delivery sitting anxiously on his bed barely being able to focus on his studies. His concentration was nonexistent not realizing that he had slowly chewed at his nails due to his recent impatient nature.

His order was here. He jumped up in excitement opening his door and swiftly paying the delivery person, closing the door and swiftly returning to his bed. He sighed contently and began to enjoy his binge of take-out food. The stress of life just seemed to fade away from the pretty blonde as he consumed each bite. He didn't care about anything else, nothing else mattered in the world; he felt like he was in his bubble of sinful pleasures as he soothed his throat with a can of fizzy drink.

The blonde blushed softly at the sensation of the food -glad that he was wearing sweatpants- as he felt the small bloat in his stomach protrude outwardly. He caressed it softly with a hand feeling a slight discomfort of fullness.

Swollen and almost sick from the binge he curled up gently onto his bed and closed his green eyes. He let out a long yawn, feeling the tiredness of sleep take over his mind and body.

* * *

Dealing with the stress and anxieties of everyday life is met and dealt with in multiple ways. Wolfram von Bielefeld found his relief from these feelings with food and sugary snacks. He eventually fell into a pit of guilt with every binge; every stress induced pleasured moment ending in nothing but an uncomfortable feeling.

But he could no longer help himself. It was like an addiction, a drug; it made him feel different; body and mind. His body had become softer and less lean; stomach softly protruding slightly against his cloths, his cheeks a bit fuller, just ever so slightly noticeable over the past month.

However the relationship between roommates went unchanged. The random stares between the two boys, or rather glares from Wolfram were received ever so often. Neither of them spoke to one another often, Yuuri decided it best to keep out of the blonde's personal life not wanting to feel his wrath-especially as of late the blonde was increasing irritable and snappy.

Yuuri pushed the dorm room open after a long day of classes and practice, he felt tired but fulfilled from his practice today. He brushed his dark locks of hair back and entered the dimly lit room.

He glanced seeing the now pudgy blonde propped up on his bed typing away on his laptop grabbing crispy salted snacks from a nearby chip bag. Yuuri frowned almost with pity as he made his way over to his bed tossing his backpack onto his bed.

_Should I talk to him?_ Yuuri asked himself glancing over at the other boy._ I just never know what to say to him. I always just piss him off._

Yuuri let out a sigh and sat down on his bed and looked at the blonde. "Hey." He simply said as he tossed his sneakers off carelessly.

Wolfram blinked and looked over at Yuuri, "H-hey…" he awkwardly responded.

"So…ah, studying?"

"What do you think, idiot."

Yuuri rolled his eyes. "Really, do you need to be so snarky to me every single time? I am merely trying to make a conversation and every single time you snap at me."

"I'm not being snarky; you are just being idiotic saying the obvious. If you mean to make any conversation with me at least say something that is even remotely intelligent." Wolfram spat moving his laptop away from himself and sat up further to look at the dark haired boy.

"Fine, fine!" Yuuri stood up looking down at Wolfram in anger. "I've actually tolerated your snobby, bratty behavior far too long. You want to hear the truth, here's the truth. You Wolfram are a selfish spoiled terrible guy! You are so insensitive… aside from that you are a terrible person. You're also getting lazy and fat!"

Wolfram cheeks tinted red at the last comment but remained to compose his anger, "Y…you… jerk!" He cried out feeling his eyes glass over. _Hold your ground Wolfram; don't let someone like him say such things to you._

Yuuri wasn't backing down either, he stood firm and eye's dark and fierce, almost intimidating. "You asked for intelligent conversation and I gave it to you. That's who you are Wolfram von Bielefeld; a spoiled, pathetic brat who thinks the whole world revolves around him. Well you know what…it doesn't, this why you have zero friends!"

Wolfram pulled himself off the bed to face Yuuri he held his tears and clenched his fists. He glared and bit his lower lip. _I… hate this wimp! Why won't he just leave me alone?_ The blonde raised his hand and instinctively felt the need to slap the other in anger. He was furious but as he took his swing at the other boy he felt a grip onto his wrist.

"E..h…" Wolfram blinked looking at Yuuri's hand holding back his arm. "L-let go of me!" Unfortunately the blonde could not hold it in anymore; tears spilled slowly down his pale porcelain skin. "Just let me go…"

Yuuri blinked seeing the pretty blonde crumble before him; he loosened his grip and looked down at him with confused onyx eyes. "W-wolf?"

The blonde shook his head hastily. "Leave me alone!" Wolfram pushed Yuuri away as he rushed to the bathroom slamming the door shut behind him.

Yuuri suddenly felt guilty, he watched the retreating blonde, "Wait, Wolfram, please. I'm sorry, I was just angry. Look, don't lock yourself in there." He frowned and reached for the door knob, locked obviously. "Wolfram," He knocked on the door.

Wolfram slid down to the floor pulling his knees to his chest as he let out sobbing breaths._ Look what I'm reduced to … I feel… worthless._

_Worthless, pathetic, ugly… Who would want you; no one would ever want you. So, disgusting, such a waste of space._

_No…no…no, no, no…STOP IT! JUST SHUT UP!_ Wolfram screamed inwardly, the negative voices stabbing through his heart like a knife through butter. His vision blurred he hiccuped through sobs rocking back and forth slowly.

The knocking continued as Yuuri frantically tried to get Wolfram's attention. "Please, Wolfram, come out… I didn't mean what I said; I was just angry." Yuuri placed his forehead against the door, "Please."

The door clicked and swayed open slightly, a pair of green reddened eyes peered at him. "Yuuri, I…" Wolfram muttered, "…am sorry too." The blonde felt overwhelmed, the boy stood for his roommate defeated. He didn't dare look the other in the eyes, afraid of pity or humiliation.

Yuuri sighed in relief, although very confused. The boy wasn't one to surrender a fight but he didn't understand what was going on in his head and why this even happened. He placed a hand on the blonde's small shoulder. "I just want to understand. Your moods are just….all over the place lately. I want to help you-," He stopped himself, "or rather… attempt to be friends."

"How can… I befriend someone… who says such things," Wolfram spat.

Yuuri sighed again this time more so in annoyance, he closed his onyx eyes and pulled his hand away. "I was defending myself Wolfram. You insulted me… how else would you want me to respond? Cower in fear?"

Wolfram pouted and crossed his arms. "W-well, no… but… w-whatever." His face tinted a sweet pink tint making his features look more feminine than usual.

Yuuri couldn't hold back a soft chuckle, "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. Now, I'll ask, can I treat you a coffee…or something sweet? To apologize."

Wolfram chewed his lower lip compulsively in thought for a moment, "A-alright," He blushed again as he quickly glanced up at Yuuri's smile.

He seems to have calmed down, Yuuri smiled, thankfully.

"Well, how about tomorrow afternoon, it's Saturday?" Yuuri asked his arms crossed tapping his chin. His onyx eyes trailed over to the short blonde so to question him.

"I-," Wolfram started, "….don't know… I have an essay to write."

Yuuri frowned, "It won't be for long. I promise."

Wolfram sighed; "Alright…" he suddenly felt nervous and sat back down on his bed.

_He's only doing this because he pities you, you know that right?_ Wolfram cringed at the thoughts in his head._ Someone worthless like you, it could only be pity. Everything he said about you was true; he's doing this for you because he feels bad for you. He doesn't want to be your friend._

Yuuri turned his onyx eyes to the troubled blonde noticing the discomfort. "Eh…Wolfram…" he muttered unsure as to how to question him.

Wolfram sat in a daze, his confidence crumbling before him-piece by piece- he felt like nothing mattered anymore. He knew what made him feel better but he would only binge on his own, he didn't want Yuuri to know. He didn't want to have his one thing taken away from him. He nibbled on his finger nail slowly in discomfort.

"I don't want to butt in or upset you Wolf, but um, are you ok? You look so tense right now," Yuuri took a few steps closer to him his eyes trailing up and down the other boy curiously. "Are you sick?"

Wolfram swallowed dryly, "I-I can't."

"Can't…?"

"Well I… there's just… this thing," Wolfram fumbled awkwardly looking down at his lap as he fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Thing?"

Wolfram was now beat red his face flushed in embarrassment. "I'm… going to, um, order something to eat, did…you want anything?"

"Oh, that's all? Well, sure, if you don't mind." Yuuri smiled fully relieved that the blonde wasn't screaming at him. It would be best never to question him about anything.

Wolfram felt a bit of relief and nodded, "Pizza?"

Yuuri shrugged, "I don't mind. Want to split?"

_No,_ Wolfram pouted in annoyance but tried to hide it and nodded in response.

Wolfram decided to make his order online to feel, well, less embarrassed with his binge worthy amount.

_I hate myself… I really fucking do._

It seemed like forever to the young blonde, he tapped away impatiently on his laptop trying to ease his anxiety. His beautiful green eyes glancing over his laptop screen, yet remaining unfocused; only one thing crossed his mind, food. He tapped his slender fingers across the keys and sighed in annoyance.

"Say, Wolf."

Wolfram snapped his head away from his computer screen and looked at his roommate.

"Well, do you find your classes difficult?"

Wolfram glanced back at his screen, "No, not really…"

"Not stressful?"

"O-of course not…" Wolfram lied.

"Ah, ok…"

What seemed like hours to Wolfram there was finally a knock at the door and Yuuri watched as the other boy dashed to it hastily. Yuuri got up gradually and went to follow behind the blonde. "I can pay my half Wolfram."

The blonde shook his head, "I-it's fine I got it." His cheeks tinted red as he paid for their delivery and shut the door with his foot; carrying more with him then Yuuri had expected.

"A-ah, err, let me help you with that…" Yuuri blinked, he hesitated on helping. "Eh, Wolf…um, well-nothing, never mind. Should we sit over on your bed?"

Wolfram ignored his dark haired roommate and carefully settled onto his bed. "Here."

Yuuri felt awkward, he sat at the edge of the bed looking at the pretty faced blonde; watching as his blonde locks of hair caressed his feminine features. He pulled his gaze away as the blonde looked at him handing him some food.

He handed him a small plate, "For you." He mumbled his round cheek already full of food.

Yuuri smiled softly and nodded in appreciation. "Thanks for this Wolf."

Wolfram felt intoxicated by the food, his stress and anxiety melted as he focused on the food he consumed. He nearly forgot about the boy that sat near the edge of his bed who was now staring at him his eyes blinking almost as if in shock. _Shit… how embarrassing. I can't control myself._ It was like his impulses had taken over and his mind shut off. He blushed and swallowed, "Did… you want more?"

Yuuri glanced away, "Ah, no, I'm fine. But thanks Wolfram." _Haaa… that explains some things…_ Yuuri eyed the blonde's body knowing the boy was too busy to care or notice. I'm not one to be judgmental…but that can't be healthy… not like the new look doesn't suit him. The stare was almost lustful, _W-wait…what am I doing. I can't like a guy, besides he's not my type at all…! Snap out of it Yuuri!_

_How can he eat that much, it's like he's a different person…_ Yuuri felt somewhat sick yet felt worried about the boy. He grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby bag which now grabbed the blonde's attention. He knew if he said anything he would more than likely be killed by the blonde's wrath.

Wolfram grabbed a soda from a bag and drank it slowly. "Good?" He tilted his head questioningly.

Yuuri smiled at the boy in response and nodded. "Uh-," Yuuri held his tongue for a moment thinking over his choice of words. "Do, you order out often?"

Wolfram's pale cheeks turned a familiar red and he looked down to focus on his food, almost adorably, "S-sometimes…why?" he tore a small piece of pizza and popped it in his mouth.

"Just curious," Unsure as to how the blonde would react he took another sip of water before he spoke again, "W-well, I might join you if you do again. That is if you don't mind." He prayed that he didn't offend the boy.

Wolfram nodded slightly and continued to pull at the dough of his pizza almost like a child would.

"Thanks again though." Yuuri stood up and stretched."Ahhh…" _So not used to eating pizza._

Wolfram looked up at him, his back facing to him; he had never really-looked-at Yuuri before, his green eyes observed his dark shaggy onyx hair, his shoulders moderately broad, with strong muscular physique; very handsome. He stopped himself, _Whoa, wait, why am I even looking at such a wimp like him!_

_As if anyone would find you attractive, or even want to be with __**YOU**__._

Wolfram looked back to focus on his meal, _Yeah… I am pretty pathetic…_

_Ugh…_ He rubbed a hand gently over his pudgy stomach and felt almost relieved; at least he could divert his attention away from real life even if it was only for a short while.

Wolfram was not one who really understood stress; he grew up with a very pampered and luxurious lifestyle. His family was well off and he was well looked after. Yet he felt like everyone expected so much of him. His brother Gwendal pushed him into getting his scholarship and taking on his studies in business. He knew he had no say in the topic, his brother insisting it was best for him.

Wolfram was a bright boy, yet his interest in the whole idea was lacking. He didn't want to go all the way to America to study. He didn't know what he wanted to do in his life; everything was chosen for him.

His mother was never around due to her acting and modeling career; not to mention she loved to travel. His father died when he was only a baby so his brothers and house staff had raised and taught him. His family was very wealthy so he really didn't need the scholarship but Gwendal insisted, maybe simply forcing him to apply himself.

Wolfram drank the last of his fizzy beverage and yawned softly; he leaned down slowly to the comfort of his pillow and hugged it gently feeling the need to sleep take over his mind and body. In a matter of moments he was contently sleeping.

Yuuri on the other hand watched the sight before him and smiled almost in pity for the other boy. He quietly got up and cleaned up around his roommate's bed so to provide the blonde with a more comfortable sleeping area.

_I really wish you would talk to me Wolfram… I might be able to help._ He thought as he pulled the comforter over the pudgy body. He looked with sadness at the pretty face before him, _I'm sorry…_

* * *

_AN: And end of chapter 1. I put this together in a whim, I do have a few more chapters planned out. I hopefully didn't leave much out or make it sound totally confusing. Er, well, little chubby Wolf is sooo cute and innocent. *mauls and torments the uke with her mind* Yuuri and Wolf are both so attracted to one another but such conflicting personalities...3 yay angstyness and cuteness._

_Also I do have plans to make fan art for my story. I had some things on paper and figured I'd just write out my idea. Makes me feel more attached to a story getting a visual on some scenes or characters._


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Well, I was almost done this chapter when I posted the first. I really hope it's enjoyable. I want to make a good story yet sometimes it's hard to come up with little events. This chapter is kind of a bonding experience, a mix of angst and humor... Sort of... I wasn't sure how people would react to a story like this. I just kinda threw everything out there.

Chapter Summary ~ Agreeing to join Yuuri on a outing, Wolfram's insecurities increase. Does Yuuri really want to befriend our blonde beauty? Or is there more then meets the eye.

* * *

Chapter 2 – Denial

* * *

Green eyes squinted as the sun streaming in from the crack of the closed curtain; he groaned and pulled the blanket further over his head.

He pouted, lifting himself up slightly to peer over to the other side of the room. "Yuuri?" He muttered lifting himself up further._ Ugh, he must thing I'm some kind of freak… What was I thinking? What is wrong with me…I would never make myself so…vulnerable. So weak._

Wolfram was annoyed at himself, he felt so insecure and awkward. He never acted like this, before he was always so head strong and prideful. But right now he felt tired and weak.

He was pulled away from his thoughts when his roommate stepped out from the bathroom; a towel simply wrapped around his thin muscular waist. Water dripped gradually in droplets from his onyx locks to his toned tanned chest.

Wolfram stared, mouth open in shock, his pale cheeks now blushing.

"Y-Yuuri!" Wolfram pulled his comforter over his head, "A-at least put some clothes on!" He wailed. "H-have some decency!"

Yuuri blinked looking at the lump on the opposing bed yelling at him, "Sorry… I didn't think it was a big deal. I have a towel on… besides I forgot my clothes out here."

Wolfram went silent and waited until he heard the boy return to their bathroom before pulling the blanket away. _Oh yeah, it's Saturday. He wanted to go out…_ Wolfram sighed and dragged himself out of bed pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweater.

He sat on his bed rubbing his tired green eyes and waited for his roommate to return from the bathroom. _Why am I doing this…? Should I go? I feel so nervous. He's just some nobody… w-why should I associate myself with someone so insignificant._

He shot up from the bed grabbed his clothes when Yuuri emerged and dashed into the bathroom. Yuuri blinked turned slightly watching the boy shut the door quickly.

Wolfram felt his heart flutter, he bit his lower lip softly, the vision of his almost naked roommate stuck in his mind. He let out a deep breath shedding himself of his clothing before jumping into the shower hoping to cool off his hormone levels.

Why am I thinking these things? He shut his eyes tightly feeling the blush return to his cheeks. _UGH_.

He took his time in the shower, his body relaxed in the heat of the water._ I wonder where we are going to go. Maybe just to the café…_ He pondered._ I-I've never really had anyone to do these things with. I did go out for meals a few times with my family…Shopping with my mother when she was around._

The blonde jumped out of the shower with a sigh, drying himself with his towel before wrapping it around himself. He avoided his reflection in the mirror feeling almost insecure of the person looking back at him.

He pulled on his clothes stopping at his jeans. _E-eh…_ He blushed like a tomato. _Crap. Really?! No, no, no, r-really? Fuck._ He tugged at the stylish denim material around his thighs struggling to pull them up to his larger waist line. _I-I guess I haven't bothered to wear anything but my sweats as of recently… b-but that's beside the point. I-it's not like I…I've gained weight or anything. He felt surges of panic over take his mind, what do I do…?_

He shook his head and took a deep breath feeling his face burn with embarrassment. _Relax; just relax Wolfram._ He pulled the jeans shut with a struggle and sighed; his soft stomach protruding slightly over the tight material. _This is really uncomfortable…_ He looked into the mirror observing his body; thighs tight against the denim, the waist band dug into his soft flesh in discomfort.

He grabbed and tugged his sweater over his torso hoping to cover the pudgy flesh. He sighed in relief as the sweater hung loosely over his body. _I hope I look ok… I wonder what Yuuri will think…?_

The sudden knock at the door startled the boy out of his daydream, "Y-yes?" he questioned.

"Uh, are you almost ready Wolf?"

_Yuuri._

"Um, just a minute…" He ran a hand through his damp locks of hair. _Why do I feel so nervous? Wait, why do I even care what he thinks!_

Wolfram opened the door slowly taking in a deep breath. He spotted the other boy sitting on his bed tapping away at his phone.

"I…um, I'm just about ready to go." Wolfram grabbed for one of his jackets pulling it over him then reaching for his shoes. _Yuuri looks so handsome…_ His heart beat increased with lust. _Ugh, again…stupid Yuuri!_

The other boy was dressed in full black, a form fitting black t-shirt and surprisingly fashionable looking jeans. Wolfram had never really looked or even thought of Yuuri to be handsome. But right now his roommate was an object of lust and desire.

"Great, so I was thinking we could go down town." Yuuri smiled at the blonde and he pulled his leather jacket on. _Fuck that made him look hotter…_

"Ah, downtown?" Wolfram questioned.

"Oh yeah, I have a car. Not sure if you knew."

Wolfram swallowed nervously, "I-I didn't, but that does sound convenient."

"It can be, but I do enjoy walking on nice days." He opened the door, "After you."

* * *

The two walked hastily to Yuuri's car the cold air piecing their skin. It was already winter and the air had cooled dramatically. The sky was clouded so no sun was to be seen.

Wolfram shivered pulling the hood of his jacket over his head then shoving his hands in his pockets. He really hated the cold. He watched as Yuuri opened the doors, he sighed with relief almost rushing into the passenger side so to hide from the cold air.

He looked over at his roommate, _he doesn't even look effected by the cold_, Wolfram grumbled to himself crossing his arms in hopes of warming himself up further.

"Cold?" Yuuri tilted his head looking at the shivering blonde.

"D-duh, what do you think?" Idiot, he wanted to add but decided to simply keep it to himself.

Yuuri started the car, immediatly adjusting the heat so to get a comfortable temperature. "My mom just insisted that I have a car. I really don't understand how they managed to pay for it just for me but I am very greatful..." Yuuri mused.

Wolfram stayed quiet, my brothers would never let me behind the wheel of a vehicle...saying something about road rage to me... he stared down to his lap in thought.

"Ehhh, Wolfram, I think you need a winter coat, it's only going to get colder." Yuuri stated as he pulled the car out from the student parking lot. "Or, well, a hat or something."

Wolfram blushed. "I-it's n-not t-that...b-bad."

Yuuri chuckled slightly. "Well either way we can take a look at afew shops if you want to."

"Maybe..."Wolfram felt a headache coming on, "would you mind if we stop for coffee first?" Maybe some caffeen would help.

Yuuri nodded, "We can."

Wolfram had no real clue where they were, or going, he never really explored the city. He was glad Yuuri knew where they were going. He looked out the wind his eyes filled with curiosity watching all the people as they weaved into a parking lot.

"Did you want to stay here? I can go order for us and you can stay warm." Yuuri offered as he parked a small distance from the door. He looked at the pretty blonde who remained to look in thought. "Wolfram?"

"U-uhm...I can stay."

Yuuri smiled, "Sure, hmm, how do you like your coffee?"

"Sweet." Wolfram responded simply.

Yuuri nodded and climbed out of the car locking the doors behind him before jogging towards the coffee shop.

Wolfram let out a deep breath in relief. This is so awkward, Yuuri is way to nice sometimes it's almost sickening. _At least my nerves have settled slightly... I really hope he doesn't wimp out on me and say something absolutely stupid..._ Wolfram kept his arms crossed and bit on his soft plump bottom lip.

_Soon, he'll realize just how worthless you are._

Wolfram closed his eyes and cringed at his deep internal thoughts._ Focus, Wolfram, stop being stupid. Stay calm._

He jumped slightly, opening his eyes and looking over to see Yuuri by the door which now opened quickly; then shoved a coffee tray towards him.

"Hold this."

Wolfram took the tray almost hesitating but seeing as Yuuri wanted to crawl back into the warmth of the car he grabbed it and Yuuri got inside. "Hope it's ok for you, oh, also..." He held a small bag in his other hand, "breakfast." He handed Wolfram what looked to be a chocolate chip muffin.

"Oh." Wolfram took the muffin with a free hand as he steadied the tray on his legs.

Yuuri took the coffee' from the tray and put them in the cup holders of his car. "Well, sort of breakfast. More so brunch." He smiled a goofy smile taking another muffin for himself. "So," he started so not to create a barrier of silence, "anywhere you want to go?"

Wolfram nibbled on the muffin and shrugged slightly, "I don't know. I've never explored the city much since I've been here. Your choice." He leaned his head back against the seat.

Yuuri thought for a moment taking a bite of his muffin and sighed, "Well," He chewed slowly continuing to think, "you don't mind if we just go shopping right? I did have a few things I needed to pick up."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter really." Truthfully Wolfram loved to shop. He always spent many of her weekends home together, even with her insisting to get him to wear woman's clothing, it was kind of a bonding experience for him. She always pouted when Wolfram would fight her, so he sometimes ended up leaving with at least something pink or frilly.

Wolfram sighed and looked out the window feeling depressed. He did miss his mother, maybe his brothers-just a little bit. He kept his eyes diverted to the passenger side window not really caring where Yuuri was taking him.

"So, where are you from Wolfram? You're not American considering the bit of accent you have." Yuuri asked as he turned a corner his eyes keeping to the road as he drove.

Wolfram tilted his head to look at the other boy, _what does it matter?_ "I'm German."

"Oh wow, I wasn't sure. I'm from Japan. Kind of cool to meet people from different countries. I miss Japan but with the scholarship, I couldn't say no, no matter how much my mother cried." Yuuri chuckled.

"Oh. I see." Wolfram took a long drink of his coffee and looks back out the window.

"Yeah..." Yuuri sighed, _he's so cold to me._

Wolfram bit his tongue as he wasn't quite sure what to say to the other boy. _It's so awkward to talk, I have nothing in common with him so what should I say? I just don't get along well with other people I guess._

"It's seems fairly busy..." Yuuri mumbled as he struggled in search of a parking spot. "I suppose it's close to the Holiday season. It's expected but annoying."

Wolfram glanced around at crowds of people, some busy and on the go, others standing around mingling with one another cheerfully. "I see..." _I really don't want to be around a crowd right now._

Yuuri noticed a bit of tension in the blonde's eyes, "Ah, it'll be fun though. Just stick with me."

Wolfram glared. "I don't need a babysitter, Yuuri." He crossed his arms.

"A-ah, well of course not, just...well, never mind. Oh finally!" Yuuri found a vacant spot and pulled in slowly.

Wolfram braced for the cold as he stepped out of the vechicle. He shivered instantly rubbing his arms so to warm up. His breath showing as he breathed outwardly. He looked at Yuuri who locked the car and then turned to look at the blonde motioning for him to follow.

_I don't know about this..._

_Now everyone will see how pathetic and worthless you are! All those people can see it, all of them know._

Wolfram stopped instantly he opened his mouth in a small gasp, his eyes full of fear. W-wait... Yuuri stop. He tried to say but stood frozen in spot.

Yuuri blinked suddenly noticing the blonde was no longer behind him, he turned to look, the blonde was quite a ways from him. "Hey, Wolfram, you ok?" he began to approach him. Yuuri tilted his head to see the zoned out look that he wore. "Wolf. Hey? You in there?" He waved a hand in front of the boys face.

Wolfram snapped his head and looked up at Yuuri's concerned face, his eyes glassed over. "W-what?"

"You were just kinda zoned out for a moment there... is there something wrong?"

Wolfram shook his head. "Ah, no, not at all."

"Then come on!" He turned made his way inside; Wolfram followed a few feet behind.

Nothing felt real, everything blurred around him like it was going full speed. He felt breathless. Panic struck, he felt sick, Wolfram looked ahead at the onyx haired boy. "Y-yuuri slow down..." Wolfram took a deep breath.

Yuuri frowned in concern, "Really Wolfram? Are you sure your ok?"

"Yes!" Wolfram focused on his roommate so to compose himself. "I just have a headache."

"Oh, do you need to rest for a bit?"

"It's fine, can we just hurry this up please." Wolfram just wanted to run, go back to his dorm room and indulge in his own food induced addiction.

_He seems terrified, I can see it in his eyes... What is going on in your head Wolfram...?_

The two boys continued through the stores, Yuuri had purchased some clothes, some for his workouts and practices, the rest was mostly casual wear. A few winter accessories which included a black pair of lined leather gloves and a black knit scarf.

Wolfram watched the other boy wander around the stores, this is so different from shopping with my family...

"Don't see anything you like?" Yuuri returned to the blonde after his recent purchase. "You haven't really looked around."

"I don't." The blonde kept his arms securely crossed almost to protect himself.

"Hmm..." Yuuri eyed the blonde curiously. Wolfram's style... he stopped and blinked, so feminine. Wait. Eh...wait, are those girls jeans...? They look small, well, er, tight. He stared at the blondes hips and figure.

Wolfram glared, "Are you staring at me?" he frowned in fury.

Yuuri tore his glance away and laughed nervously, "A-ah! No. Just trying to, uh, figure out, well...what kinda of place you'd like to shop in." He couldn't ask, he really couldn't or risk getting beat to death in public.

"I don't care, ok?"

He had never met a boy like Wolfram, his features so dainty and soft, his golden hair framed his face perfectly. His figure was fuller then when he first met him but at the same time remained attractive.

Yuuri thought frantically since the blonde seemed irritated, "Ah-ha!" Yuuri exclaimed grabbing hold of Wolfram's wrist and dragged him out of the store.

"A-ah! Yuuri!" Wolfram spun around in surprise as Yuuri tugged his arm. "Let go!"

Yuuri seemed determined, he rushed forward dragging the stumbling blonde behind him until they reached another of the many clothing stores. Although to Yuuri's happiness it was a shop that catered to both men and women. At least now he wouldn't be killed by questioning the boy, he would just let Wolfram wander and decide for himself.

_Victory!_ Yuuri had such a smug look on his face.

Wolfram glared. "What were you trying to do? Rip my hand off?!" The blonde pouted in a huff as he pulled his arm away

Yuuri rubbed the back of his head nervously, "Well, no, sorry Wolfram." He looked down at the blonde, "Sooo...anything here?"

Wolfram glanced around and back at Yuuri, "I'll take a look since you are so insistent..."

Yuuri let out a sigh of relief as the blonde went off to explore. _His personality is so draining..._ He watched the blonde, which as Yuuri suspected , went for more feminine wear.

Deciding it would be best to stay out of the fiery blonde's way he found a bench in the store and sat down. He placed his bags down and pulled out his phone. Oh a text from Murata.

_Where are you Shibuya?_

Yuuri text back._ Out with Wolfram, shopping._

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and a young girl wandered over to him, one of the store workers it seemed. _She's cute._ Yuuri thought with a stupid grin.

"Ehh, excuse me, but um, your...girlfriend is asking for you." She said in a sweet voice.

Yuuri blinked,_ girlfriend?_

He looked at her confused.

"U-um, sorry, sister? The blonde girl."

_Girl? Oh...OH. Oh god. Wolfram._ Yuuri laughed and smiled at the girl. "A-ah, no not my girlfriend or is **he**?" Yuuri stressed the word he making her blush like a ripe tomato.

"O-oh, so sorry!" she pointed towards the dressing room her face in complete embarrassment.

_Oh crap now she probably has the wrong idea, again..._ "He's my roommate sorry miss."

She giggled as to now flirt with the handsome onyx haired boy. "I see..."

"Yuuri!"

Yuuri snapped away from the girls stare and sighed. _Really Wolfram...?_

"Ahh, sorry..." He bowed to the girl apologetically before going towards the changing rooms. "Wolf?"

"Hey," He peaked out of the change room almost nervously. He was used to doing this with his mother, with Yuuri it just felt so awkward. "I... don't know if it looks ok."

"Oh, uh, I don't know if I'll be a good judge of that kind of thing Wolfram." Yuuri came closer to the blonde's change room and peered in.

He looked down at the blonde observing the change in attire.

Fitted skinny jeans that hugged his figure naturally, at least a better fit then his old ones, he thought before gazing further up his torso, almost like an animal with it's prey. His t-shirt hugged his torso gently accenting the small bit of weight._ Pink, really Wolf?_

Wolfram felt nervous again, Yuuri was too quiet. "Bad, right?" Wolfram almost seemed depressed at the lack of response he attempted to shut the change room door.

"A-ah! Wolfram, no it's fine. Just, well, no you look ok." Yuuri managed to stammer before the door shut in front of him. He sighed, "Really, it looks fine..."

Wolfram sighed feeling his eyes sting sharply as he held back tears, he turned and looked at the mirror in the change room. He quickly averted his glance and shut his eyes.

_So pathetic and worthless. Look at yourself, Ugly._

Wolfram leaned his back up against the side of the small room and slowly crumbled to the floor. Tears slowly spilled down his pale cheeks as he stared blankly.

_Ugly. A monster. A freak. A Wortless waste of space._

Wolfram wanted to scream, he held back, his breath quickening in anger and fear. His whole body shook.

"So, uh, I'm just going to wait for you...out in the store, ok?" Yuuri finally broke the silence.

He heard a muffled yes in response from inside the room before he headed back out.

Wolfram exhaled a shaky breath and he pulled himself back together as much as he could. He rubbed his dampened eyes and cheeks with his hand, then did his best to settle his nerves before changing back into his clothes.

He willed up enough composure to exit the dressing room area and glanced around the room only to see, well what seemed to be, Yuuri flirting with the store clerk.

_Seriously Yuuri?_ Wolfram rolled his eyes and approached them. "I'll get these." he almost shoved the items at the unexpected girl who stumbled a bit with a small smile.

"Wolfram, that was rude." Yuuri hissed, only to have the blonde completely ignore him as he went to pay.

_Maybe it's time to go home..._ Yuuri sighed, _his constant mood swings are so...frustrating._

Wolfram walked over to his roommate and sighed, "There happy?" He lifted the bag slightly, "I bought something. Can we go now?"

Yuuri looked down at the blonde seeing only the sadness that the blonde tried so well to hide. He seen the slight redness around them, but quickly diverted his glance. "Yeah...we can go."

That sadness is so deep, his eyes are so dead. Like the fire being slowly drown out with water. _I'm not sure what I could do to help, I mean, I thought today would help. But he seems to try and act all tough. But he really is so fragile, I wonder what happened, he wasn't like this when I first met him._ Yuuri thought to himself as they wandered out of the mall with the blonde slowly following behind.

"Yuuri," Wolfram's voice broke him from thought, "I'm hungry."

"Ah," Of course you are. "What do you want?" Yuuri asked as they approached the car.

Wolfram stood near him, he shrugged slightly. As soon as Yuuri unlocked the car he bolted inside. "Stupid cold..." Wolfram muttered under his breath.

Yuuri was quick to follow tossing his bags into the back seat, "I'll just find somewhere close to eat at." He looked at Wolfram who nodded a little.

_I so need some stress relief..._ Wolfram leaned his head back and closed his eyes. _Ugh, and I have a essay to write tonight... I don't even know how to start it, my thoughts are so clouded. But I have to do well or Gwendal will kill me._

Yuuri pulled up to a random take out restaurant and looked at the blonde, "Here fine?" Wolfram nodded in response. "Ok then, let's go."

The two boys made their meal orders inside, although as a request from Wolfram he wondered as to if they could have their meal back in the car. Yuuri agreed to the pretty blonde's request seeing as the other seemed embarrassed for some reason.

The two hastily ventured back to the vehicle and Yuuri heard Wolfram let out a sigh, almost a sound of relief, he wasn't exactly sure why.

Yuuri turned the car on just for the sake of keeping the heat inside, he turned to look at the blonde who was already contently enjoying his meal. _I seriously never took Wolfram one to enjoy food as much as he does... Normally someone as conceited like him would watch their weight like a hawk._ Yuuri leaned back in his seat. _Maybe he doesn't care if he gets fat...ehhh, it's not my concern. Well, if it makes him not yell at me I don't care._

Yuuri didn't know that truthfully the blonde was scared, depressed and eating his way out of emotions. Wolfram had yet to understand the effects of his actions since his only focus was on school; his families acceptance.

Wolfram remembered the day like it was yesterday. His big brother sat together with him at the dining room table, it was almost forced but requested that the blonde fill out the scholarship forms and do the necessary work. Wolfram fought him to almost tears, he didn't want to go to school in a foreign place.

Gwendal had went and studied there, now a successful businessman. He had always acted as Wolfram's father figure, scolding him or providing the younger brother with all he needed. Wolfram wasn't essentially interested in going to college, he was trying to find his place in life as a young adult. Although his brother stated that he can't sponge off the family forever no matter how well off they were.

So here he was a miserable mess, without guidance, just a pile of stress. He wasn't interested in education. He used to spend hours painting in his spare time, he enjoyed the beauty of the world taking in it's fill of colors and imagination.

But now that was gone. All that remained seemed grey and dull, like all life was sucked out of a palette of color. He missed it, but knew that he no longer had the time or energy to enjoy it.

He recalled something his brother said, it hurt like a knife through the heart.

_"You can't make money off these worthless paintings! You'll just end up disappointing yourself."_

"Worthless..." Wolfram muttered.

Yuuri blinked looking at the other boy with a concerned stare, "What did you say Wolfram?"

Wolfram blinked and looked over at Yuuri his cheeks now red with embarrassment. "A-ah, nothing! None of your business." He went back to his food with a pout.

"Say," Yuuri started in between chewing, "I really miss my mom's cooking. Like her curry..."

"Oh? I don't think I've had something like that before."

"Yeah, it's really good. Did your mother cook much?"

There was a small silence before Wolfram sighed. "My mother was not around much, she travels a lot."

"Travel? How come?"

"She a model, and an actress. She loves traveling to different places for her work. Sometimes I wouldn't get to see her months at a time." Wolfram responded.

"Oh wow? Really?! Your mother is famous?" Yuuri looked shocked. "What's her name?"

"Cecilie von Spitzweg."

Yuuri almost choked, he coughed and jabbed at his chest. "EH?! She's your mother?" He was in shock. "She's famous and very beautiful!"

Wolfram rolled his eyes, "You don't have to freak out."

"B-b-but..." Yuuri stuttered. "Although, come to think of it you do look a lot like her..."

"Hmph..." Wolfram pouted, he sulked slightly and went back to his food. "Everyone says that..."

"Well, er, no offence or anything..."

Wolfram then grinned at his roommate, "Well, technically it is no offence since you technically did call me beautiful too!"

Yuuri turned red, "N-n-no! I didn't mean it like that. UGH, Wolfram, I did not. It's different since your a guy."

Wolfram tilted his head smiling as he toyed with Yuuri slightly, "So, I'm not beautiful then?" He pouted.

"Wolfraaam..." Yuuri groaned. "I would never just go casually calling another guy beautiful..."

"So if I was a girl you wouldn't care?" Wolfram rolled his eyes, "Who cares Yuuri. SO closed minded, it's what I'd expect from some a wimp like you."

Yuuri crumbled in embarrassment, "Wooolf... you are pretty for a boy. Ok?"

Wolfram shot the boy a almost seductive stare, "I can accept that." He brushed a few strands of hair away from his face with that-i'm better then you-attitude.

Yuuri pouted in defeat and sulked sinking down in the seat with embarrassment.

Wolfram shifted his body on the seat finally feeling the jeans digging into his hips and stomach uncomfortably. He sighed and pouted, he missed his sweat pants.

_I'm not that fat...I-I mean my doctor always said I was under weight anyways..._ Wolfram was suddenly brought into mental turmoil trying to get comfortable. He pulled slightly at the waistband reveling a small soft mound of pale flesh which was a bit red from his current tight attire.

Yuuri stayed still, watching the struggling blonde intensely. Yuuri couldn't divert his stare no matter how hard he tried. He wasn't sure what to think, he was accurate that the blonde had become a bit chubby. Wolfram usually just hid it better when they were around one another. Yuuri wasn't sure what he was thinking staring at his blonde companion.

He just suddenly got the urge to just pounce the blonde and shed his clothes and make out with him senselessly. He stopped his internal thought as he felt flustered, withdrawing his gaze he felt his whole body tingle. _What am I thinking?! I don't like guys... it doesn't matter how pretty. I've never felt like this before, I am NOT attracted to Wolfram of all people._

_His skin is so pale... it looks soft._ Yuuri almost smacked himself. _Wolfram looks too much like a girl...that has to be it. Although he does have boyish features...but, but._ Yuuri was locked in termoil and of of all denial.

Wolfram sighed in defeat of even bring able to feel comfortable, glad that he had picked out a larger size in his new pair, he turned to look at Yuuri who looked like he had seen a ghost. "Yuuri?" Wolfram poked the side of his arm.

Yuuri jumped and laughed nervously, "Oh, yeah, uh, so. Let's go back to the dorms." _Please..._

_I need a shower..._ Yuuri pouted in embarrassment. _Damn you Wolfram._

* * *

The silence was more awkward then usual, both boys sneaking glances at the other. Yuuri took the lead as they walked back to their room; Wolfram trailing a few steps behind.

Yuuri fumbled with his key and opened the door after hearing the small click of the lock. He let out a relieved sigh, more so since he actually survived the day without getting nailed by any of Wolfram's tantrums.

Wolfram collapsed onto his bed with a groan, "So tired..." he grumbled hugging onto his pillow then proceeded to kick his shoes off.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Yuuri asked the blonde as he took his own shoes off.

Wolfram wasn't sure how to respond to that, he thought for a moment his face half buried into the pillow. "I guess so..." he responded softly.

_Well, guessing so is better then no..._ Yuuri thought as he pulled his jacket off. He pulled his phone out and seen that he had another text. _Oh yeah, Murata._

_Shopping... with Wolfram? You're still alive right?_

Yuuri chucked a bit and rolled his eyes. He began to type a response to his best friend while the blonde peered at him from the other side of the room.

"Who are you texting?" Wolfram questioned feeling a sudden urge of insecurity.

Yuuri shrugged, "Just Murata."

Wolfram turned to onto his back and stared at the ceiling. _Probably talking shit about me or something... Wimp Yuuri. I shouldn't trust him, should I...? He's most likely just making fun of me._ The blonde pouted slightly, h_e must of just took pity on me... today was just a one time thing..._

Yuuri shot up from his bed, "Hey, uh, Wolf... I'm going to go see Murata now. I'll, um, see you later..." he popped his shoes back on quickly and simply grabbed his jacket before waving to the silent blonde who waved weakly in response.

_I hate him... I HATE him..._ Wolfram's eyes stung, _who knows what he's saying about me?! I can't handle this! UGH!_

He rolled onto his stomach and pressed his face against, knowing Yuuri was long gone, he screamed into the pillow. Tears forming in his emerald eyes, with the look of hurt and disappointment. He slammed his fist down to the bed. _Dammit! I don't know if I can trust him... He was nice to me, or so I think, but how do I know?_

Wolfram was filled with fatigue, but he knew he had work to do. He shed himself of his clothes and quickly pulled on something more comfortable. He grabbed his laptop, got comfortable on his bed and let out a sigh. he reached to his nightstand drawer for something sweet to eat, hoping it would help.

He stared at the laptop, his mind blank. He didn't even know what he was suppose to write anymore. He chewed on some chocolate slowly and he closed his eyes. He felt everything around himself disappear, he lay down onto pillow and his body felt like it would melt.

Without even knowing it the blonde was slowly drifting off to sleep, his green eyes fluttered and within moments was asleep.

Sleep, an escape from the world, filled with the possibility of dreams or nightmares. For the blonde however it was only filled with dreaded thoughts and nightmares. The feeling of worthlessness had never felt so strong.

* * *

AN: I also wanted to thank Butterfree on the very nice review! :)

Now I'm off to brain storm on the next chapter plot. My mind kind of burnt out near the end of this chapter, so I really hope it's not too much of a disappointment. It's a tad shorter too. Sorry for that. :(


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Beautiful

_Chapter Summary – Wolfram comes face to face with Yuuri during the winter break. Will Yuuri be able to help him come to terms with not only his problems but their feelings for one another?_

* * *

It had arrived, that so stressful time of the year, exams.

Students busied themselves with preparation and study groups; everyone was rushed with their current tight schedules. It was almost like a blur for the young blonde, everything just seemed to close in around him, almost suffocating. This experience was hurtful to the already stressed boy, it broke him slowly.

It was very lonesome; Yuuri had been studying with Murata for weeks now. He barely got to see his handsome dark hair roommate. He sat atop his bed staring blankly down at the text books before him. His eyes tired and stressed from the hours of reading, forcing his brain to retain the information before him.

The stress was overwhelming, it was at its peak, he couldn't handle it most days, and he barely left his room, just numbed his body and mind with the delicacies of food and fizzy beverages. At least the caffeine kept him going, he would always tell himself, deterring his thoughts away from the real problems at hand.

Wolfram was beginning to sink further into his pit of depression; he wanted to hide away from the world. He hated himself more than ever; his thoughts would creep up on him through the darkness of his mind. With each binge brought more hatred, it was like a drug addict, or an alcoholic. He never meant to go this far. His compulsions taking over his conscience, he was intoxicated by his own madness.

It was embarrassing; he tried to hide it, like his own dirty little secret. With each moment of temptation and desperation came regret, guilt and a loss of self-esteem. Wolfram had changed, no longer the ambitious fiery boy he once was. His eyes once filled with spirit and determination was now filled with loneliness and sadness.

Even with all the negativity he couldn't stop himself, no longer is control of his own emotions anymore, he disgusted himself at every mirrored glance. Waking up seemed pointless; going to class seemed pointless. Life seemed pointless…

He felt like he was trapped in a cage, his screams were silent, every day like a ticking clock in the darkness.

As the holidays were also approaching the blonde decided to stay at the dorms, he did not want to face his family. He had never felt more scared to see the people he loved, he was glad that they didn't harass him too adamantly about it. He would be alone, alone in his own depression. Being able to sink away further in his intoxicating state.

A twinkle of fire remained; dim in the darkness of his soul… only to soon be enveloped by the darkness within.

* * *

The days had grown colder with each passing day, exams had ended and students had begun to take leave for the winter break, few remained behind; Wolfram being one of them. He was unsure of what his roommate was doing for the holiday season, he barely seen much of him during the few stressful weeks. Strangely he missed him…

Wolfram stayed snuggled under the comfort of his bed sheets. He sighed softly realizing that it was already late in the day and he had yet to get up from bed. He turned slightly upon hearing the door creek open slowly. He glanced over to see the familiar dark hair, it almost relieved him to see that Yuuri had not left yet.

Wolfram sat up slowly, "Hey."

Yuuri turned and looked at the blonde, he smiled softly. "You finally woke up."

Wolfram looked at Yuuri who busied himself rummaging through a bag he had on his bed. Wolfram was scared to ask, he didn't want to be alone over the winter break. "So…" he muttered softly, "are…you going away for the Holidays?" Wolfram seemed to blush softly.

"Hm?" Yuuri turned to look at the blushing blonde. "Ah, well, no… I will be staying, sorry if you wanted the place to yourself."

"O-oh, well, it's your room too… I was just asking. N-not like I cared…" Wolfram glanced downward to avert his gaze.

Yuuri chuckled softly, "Yeah." He pulled a box out of the bag and turned to the blonde. "Well… I know it's early, but I got you a gift."

He held the small overly decorated box to the unexpected blonde who stared dumbfounded in response. "What?" Wolfram slowly took it observing it questioningly.

Yuuri rubbed the back of his head nervously, "I just, since, we're friends and all…I got you a gift for the holidays."

Wolfram blushed; he had never got a gift from anyone else other than his family. He suddenly felt sad; he didn't even think to get Yuuri anything. He frowned almost pouting, "I, well, I can't accept this… I didn't get you anything." He admitted almost feeling guilty.

Yuuri laughed a bit, "No, Wolf, that's fine. I don't really want anything. Just glad we're friends now."

Wolfram sighed, he tugged at the ribbon that bound the box and bit his lip, "Do you mind if… I open it now?"

"Ah," Yuuri looked nervous. "If you want to… It's nothing special."

Wolfram smiled slightly. He pulled the ribbon and lifted the cover of the box; he looked inside to see a watch. It was slight, almost delicate of a band. Wolfram took it out and looked it over._ It looks expensive… _He thought before looking up at Yuuri, "Thank you…"

Yuuri grinned, "I'm glad you like it. I thought it would suit you." _Wolfram looks so happy, he's smiling, and that's a change._

The blonde latched the watch around his wrist and observed it still smiling softly. _I love it… I was worried Yuuri hated me, but… this is so thoughtful._ He blushed, _F-for a wimp…_

"So, um, how were exams for you?" Yuuri questioned sitting on the side of Wolfram's bed.

The blonde looked at Yuuri, "Ah, they…went ok. I did alright." _Not good enough… _He added to his thoughts. His smile faded and he diverted his glance. "You…?"

Yuuri groaned, "It was rough, I wouldn't have been able to do it without Murata's help." A small silence fell between the two, then Yuuri spoke, "Sorry, well, sorry for not being around much. I'm not as good with my academics as sports. "He laughed a bit nervously.

"Eh? Wimp," Wolfram crossed his arms, "I didn't miss you or anything. It was quiet here without you."

"Yeah," Yuuri sighed, "I'm not a wimp…"

Wolfram rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Wimp," The blonde slowly pulled himself to the edge of the bed next to his roommate his shirt ridden up to reveal his now chubbier mid-section, which had seemed to increase over the past few weeks.

Yuuri glanced down, he felt like a pervert, but he felt concerned more than anything, _I haven't really got a good look at him since I've been so busy but… this is a bit much._ Yuuri sighed; _He doesn't seem effected by it… as far as I can see. But to gain weight that fast…_

"Yuuri?" Wolfram shoved his slightly. "You're so spaced out…"

Yuuri shook his head and diverted his stare, "A-ah! Yeah, um, so… Wolfram…"

The blonde looked at into the dark concerned eyes of his roommate, "What?"

_What do I say without him getting offended? It's not that I'm that vain to look down on him. _"W-well, just… I'm only concerned, I-I'm not judging you or anything… I mean it doesn't bother me or anything…but, er… I-it's not that it's bad or…anything." Yuuri fumbled with his words feeling more nervous than he ever has. His heart beat quickened as he spoke.

Wolfram huffed and crossed his now softer arms, "Spit it out! Idiot!"

"W-well, I'm not an idiot…! Just that…you, well, ugh…" Yuuri groaned inwardly in awkward embarrassment. "I'm concerned…"

"Concerned? What for?" Wolfram looked angry.

"For you!"

"Me? Why?"

"Concerned to what you're doing to your body!" Yuuri managed to blurt out. _Shit…_

Wolfram looked confused, yet nervous at the same time, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

Yuuri sighed, "F-forget it, I didn't want to cause an argument…" _Please don't shut me out Wolfram…_

There was a long silence as both boys kept their glances away from one another. Wolfram seemed upset, his green eyes glassed over holding back the approaching tears. "I'm fine, I'm perfectly fine Yuuri." Wolfram broke the silence doing his best to compose himself and his words. "What does it matter anyways, why do you even care?!"

"I…-well…I'm your friend. I just don't want you to hurt yourself." Yuuri mumbled almost losing his nerve.

The blonde glared harshly, "I'm not hurting myself!"

Wolfram shut his eyes tightly; he could feel the tears stinging against his eyes. He clenched his teeth feeling his emotions spilling outward._ I'm not this weak; I need to stay calm… I can handle this. Stupid Yuuri! _He felt sick to his stomach, his body was tense and he just wanted to hide.

Yuuri slowly pulled Wolfram closer to himself with an arm nearly embracing him into a hug. "Wolf, please don't be angry with me. I can tell something is wrong… please tell me. I won't think less of you…"

Wolfram froze; he leaned against the gentle embrace. It was warm and comforting, he felt safe and secure. He suddenly felt the tears escape his shaken green eyes and a soft sob escape his pouted lips. He felt more vulnerable now than he ever has in his entire life. He didn't know what to say or do, just simply sob uncontrollably in his roommates strong arms.

"Wolfram…" Yuuri hushed rubbing his back slowly.

The two boys stayed silent to one another for some time. Wolfram had eventually pulled himself away from Yuuri, he rubbed his cheeks swiftly to remove the tears that stained his reddened cheeks. He sighed heavily as his composure began to return.

_I am so pathetic, why did I do that? I'm stronger than this! I can't look weak in front of someone like him…Fuck… I feel so stupid. He's sure to think less of me now. I'm such a worthless waste of time and space. I __**HATE**__ myself so much. _His mind rushed frantically in a state of panic. _I barely did well enough to even keep my scholarship… I must me an idiot._

Yuuri observed the blonde's tense expression as he barely seen a blink. _At least he stopped crying, maybe I should pry for more information… or maybe it's best to wait till he's ready. What should I do? Hm, I know!_

"Hey, Wolfram, I'm going down to grab a coffee, I'll get you something. Ok?" Yuuri smiled gently at the pretty blonde.

Wolfram nodded slowly not bothering to look at Yuuri, he kept his gaze to the floor as Yuuri exited the room. He exhaled deeply feeling his body relax slightly.

_I just…I just want to stop feeling this way…please. If I… could just eat anything…everything…maybe I could feel better. _The blonde went frantic; he began to search the room for something, anything, to indulge his body. _I hate this feeling, so impulsive… I can't hold back. _

Yuuri pushed the door open gently with this side of his arm as he carried the tray of coffee and a bag in each hand. "Wolfram?" He blinked looking at the frantic blonde which seemed to be destroying the room.

The blonde whipped around and blushed slightly. "Oh, umm… hey, t-thanks for the coffee." Wolfram felt awkward and embarrassed. He grabbed the coffee tray from Yuuri who still amidst the awkwardness smiled.

The two boys sat again at Wolfram's bed, Yuuri grabbed his coffee from the tray Wolfram held leaving the blonde to grab his own and disposing of the tray. Wolfram's eyes glanced at the bag that Yuuri held on his lap with his free hand.

Yuuri noted the blonde's interest in the bag and chuckled softly, "Here, for you. I got some sweets from the café." He handed it to the now eager blonde who quickly immersed himself in the sweet treats.

Yuuri took a sip of his coffee and sighed, "Wolfram… can I ask you something?"

The blonde chewed slowly on the cookie in hand and looked at Yuuri, "Hm…?"

"Are you happy?"

Wolfram blinked, He then thought for a moment realizing that no, he wasn't happy at all. He hated himself, and his life. He took a drink of his coffee and sighed slightly, "Why do you ask…?"

"Well, I guess it was rude of me to ask… you just seem sad."

"Hmph, Wimp. I'm fine."

"I'm not a wimp, seriously Wolf stop saying that." Yuuri pouted.

Wolfram held his ground. "A wimp is a wimp."

"Fine, fine…" Yuuri smiled at the blonde, his eyes observing the pretty face. _He looks so beautiful… I can't help it. I told myself many times that I can't like a guy… but when it comes to Wolfram, it doesn't matter. I feel myself falling for him… even his personality can be sweet; he seems to hide a lot about himself. I want to now more… I need to know more about him._

Wolfram felt at ease with the sweet treats, he felt his focus fall to the delectable texture. Yuuri was so kind to him, he felt his cheeks burn with a blush spreading across them. _I feel attracted to him, yet I'm not sure I can trust him… how do I know he won't go blabbing everything to other people. How do I know what he really thinks of me? I'm not worth anyone's love or attention. _

The two boys turned their attention to one another both conflicted with their thoughts, neither knowing their attraction to one another. Yuuri turned his body slightly, _so beautiful_, he took his free hand and caressed the blonde's blushing cheek. Wolfram's lips parted softly his eyes fixated on Yuuri's dark eyes as they both leaned in closer to one another.

"Y-Yuuri…" _He's so incredible, so handsome…still a wimp._ Wolfram felt his soft lips touch the other boys gently.

The kiss was awkward but sweet, gentle and heartfelt. The boys awkwardly holding their drinks before Yuuri grabbed it from Wolfram's hand and swiftly placing them on the nearby nightstand. His gaze returned to the blushing blonde. His attention back to the pouting lips before him, returning them into a lip locked embrace.

Yuuri's hands wandered down the small of the blonde's back feeling him shiver in return from the touch. _I can't stop myself, his lips taste so sweet._ He leaned Wolfram down gently so to lie on the bed, he hovered over the blonde looking into his piercing green eyes. "Wolfram…" He breathed out against the blonde's neck. "I…think you're beautiful…"

Wolfram froze, his heart was racing. Was he dreaming? Yuuri had kissed him, and now called him beautiful. _He…he can't be serious. But I… can't push him away. Secretly somewhere I desired this; the moment I laid eyes on him I felt this attraction. I can't explain it… What do I say? What should I do? How can he not see how worthless I am?_

The next kiss deepened as their mouths parted, each time the kiss broke seemed more intense. Yuuri pulled his jacket away to the floor and rid himself of his footwear to then return back to the comfort of the blonde's sweet kiss. He felt Wolfram's hand wander across his chest; it was so gentle yet curious.

"Yuuri…" Wolfram breathed heavily between the kisses. "Stop…"

Yuuri pouted and looked down at the panting blonde. "Why…?"

"I…" _I'm not good enough… So worthless, I'm so disgusting…he'll see that._ The blonde's insecurities showed as he tugged at the tightness of his shirt diverting his gaze from his now concerned roommate. "I'm… disgusting." He muttered softly under his breath enough for Yuuri to hear.

"No, Wolfram, why would you say that?"

"You... don't see it? How can you not. I'm ugly. Worthless," Wolfram looked up at Yuuri with little emotion as he spoke. "You'll see it…if you look hard enough."

Yuuri sat up slowly and peered down at the blonde, he took his hand gently hoping to reassure the blonde of his words. "Look, Wolfram, I don't know what's been happening with you, but you need to tell me. These thoughts… are far from the truth. Let me help you… tell me, please."

"I don't want to be here…" Wolfram broke; he crumbled under the pressure of his emotions and Yuuri's constant worry. "I didn't want to study here… I didn't want any of this. I…I…get stressed, I feel overwhelmed… I can't handle anything anymore… but… I need to do well, so I can make my family proud of me…but I don't handle stress well…apparently."

Yuuri listened carefully to the blonde's shaken voice. He rubbed the blonde's hand gently hoping to keep him relaxed as he spoke.

"I…didn't know how to deal with it… so I-I found comfort in… food. T-this is so embarrassing…" Wolfram bit his lip gently diverting his gaze away from Yuuri.

Yuuri sighed, "It's nothing to be embarrassed over…really. Everyone deals with things in their own way. When I feel stressed, I go for a run or I listen to some music."

_I shouldn't have told him… I'm so weak and pathetic. I am worthless, it doesn't matter what he says. Everything I am and do is worthless. I can't let myself get too involved... he'll just see it eventually and… he'll leave me alone. I don't want to deal with that, I can't, I can't… _Wolfram propped himself up with his elbows and continued to look away from Yuuri. "This was a mistake…" He muttered softly.

"Wolfram," Yuuri frowned. "Why?"

"You'll be held back if you involve yourself with me." Wolfram pulled himself up in a sitting position. "I'm a mess! Can't you see that?! I'm worthless! No matter what I do, it's never good enough!"

Wolfram pulled away from Yuuri and rushed for the bathroom in hopes that his roommate would leave him alone. He locked the door securely and slid his body down to the floor, he always seemed to hide when he felt this overwhelmed or upset he didn't want anyone to see this weakness.

His memories recalled when he had first found himself hiding away when he felt upset or frustrated. He was about 13 years old; he was spending time with his big brother Conrad. His brother had encouraged him to try practice playing baseball with one of the local youth teams that he helped coach after their studies.

Although Wolfram never had any interest in sports he wanted to impress his big brother he looked up to. He was a very small child, not athletic; the incident did not end well for Wolfram.

"I can't do it Conrad!"

"Just try Wolfram. Here I'll help you." Conrad helped his little brother with the bat to the correct position.

Wolfram took a swing at the approaching ball only to miss. Wolfram cringed as he heard the other boys laugh and snicker at him.

Wolfram slung the helmet from his head and dropped the bat in anger. "This is stupid! I hate this game; I can't believe I let you talk me into this!"

Conrad had sighed, "Fine, Wolfram. Just wait in the car then…"

The boy stormed off towards the car to wait for his big brother. He sulked with a pout sinking down into the seat, his arms crossed yet his eyes were filled with sadness. He had disappointed his big brother…

_Just like now all I am, is a big disappointment._

Wolfram pulled his knees to his chest and hugged his legs close to himself. He could see the disappointed looks in his brothers' faces now. _They will both be so disappointed in me… I'm just the stupid little brother... I'm nothing like them._

_Why am I even trying anymore…? It's obvious that I should just give up and accept my failure. _

_That's right you are a failure. You will never be anything but a failure at everything you do._

_No… make it stop. Make all these feelings go away… Please… Yuuri help me._

Wolfram shivered on the cold bathroom floor. He had been sitting there for, what, maybe 10 minutes. He didn't hear his roommate; _maybe he left… realizing how pathetic I am, _the blonde pulled himself up from the floor and leaned up against the door. He let out a deep breath before he opened it slowly.

"Wolf."

He heard Yuuri's voice as he moved out from the bathroom,_ he sounds so serious. _The pretty blonde glanced over to Yuuri's bed to see the dark haired boy tapping away at his laptop. He saw the dark eyes look up at him piercingly.

"Sit." Yuuri glanced down at the spot next to him on the bed.

Wolfram obeyed and quickly sat down next to Yuuri. His hands clenched in fists onto his lap looking downward as Yuuri then let out a long sigh.

Yuuri placed his laptop down on the bed his legs crossed as he leaned forward to look at the blonde. "So… we really need to talk about you." Yuuri grabbed the boy's wrist gently. "Don't shut me out again. Please. I know you have a lot going on in your head, but what's best for you right now is for you to talk to me more."

Wolfram shut his eyes, "I don't know what to tell you Yuuri…"

"I want you to stay calm. Ok?" Yuuri shuffled his body closer to the blonde. "Look, I… I'm sorry I kissed you; but you kissed back. I didn't want to scare you but… I didn't know how I felt about you myself. These past few weeks I couldn't get you off my mind."

Wolfram blushed softly, "I… never thought someone like you would like me."

"Someone like me…?" Yuuri looked shocked at the blonde's words. "Y-your gorgeous, a lot of people I'm sure admire you. I'm the one who should be saying that."

Wolfram felt confused and hurt at the same time. He pouted slightly not understanding why Yuuri would say such a thing. "Are…are you just making fun of me…?"

Yuuri blinked, "Seriously…?" He took ahold of Wolfram's chin gently and tilted his face upward to look at him. "I've never laid eyes on anyone like you."

Wolfram's cheeks reddened, "E…eh…! W-wimp…!" He turned away and pouted again.

Yuuri groaned and looked at the blonde unimpressed, "I'm not a wimp!"

The boy crossed his arms, "Yeah…" He muttered in response.

_I can't believe this is happening, I feel relieved that I told him things but I still feel like he's pulling away. Does he like me back? Although I can't believe I kissed a guy…_ Yuuri felt troubled as he looked at the pouted face.

"Yuuri…" Wolfram almost whispered grabbing the other boy's attention. "Why do you find me beautiful?"

Yuuri's cheeks turned bright red, "W-what kind of question is that?!" His eyes widened at the question at hand.

Wolfram sighed, "Forget it…it was a stupid question." He glanced down at his lap.

"No,no! Ahh…. I didn't mean to freak out. I-it's not a stupid question. I just… well, don't know how to answer it." Yuuri fumbled with his words.

"I see…" Wolfram wrapped his arms protectively around his chubby stomach feeling a bit insecure.

"W-Wolf…I-I-er-… y-you have beautiful eyes…and uh…" Yuuri felt like an idiot, he never really had a relationship before. Maybe a few dates but never with a boy. He glanced down at the boys arms and frowned. "I think every inch of you is beautiful."

Yuuri reached to put an arm around the blonde's waist and he flinched uncomfortably in response, "S-stop…!" Wolfram kept his gaze downward.

"Wolfram," Yuuri pried the blonde's arms away from his mid-section. "It doesn't matter; I think the extra weight suits you."

"How can you say that…? Don't I disgust you?"

"I'm not that vain Wolfram; to judge someone like that…it's stupid." Dark eyes pierced back into the green emeralds. "I also want to get to know more about you."

"This is so like you Yuuri, you have to be Mr. Perfect. You would never have to worry about these things..."

"I'm far from perfect…" Yuuri ran the tips of his fingers down the soft skin of the blonde's arm. _So soft, like I expected. _"Look, for today… forget about all these things."

Wolfram lunged forward, latching onto Yuuri than pulling him into a kiss. It was clumsy but soon turned into a soft sweet embrace like before. Their hands wandered feeling every inch of curvature of each other's bodies.

Yuuri didn't know if he could stop this time, Wolfram was so intoxicating. His skin like silk, his lips soft and sweet, slowly his hands wandered around his softened waist pulling his shirt further upward to expose more of his soft pale flesh.

Wolfram was nervous; he felt on edge his stomach in knots as Yuuri explored his exposed body. Terrified that Yuuri would mock him or reject him. His hands were shaky although desperately wanting to explore Yuuri's toned beautiful body. He wanted this so badly but his anxiety flared like an explosion, he wanted to run but he froze, his legs were like rock.

Yuuri noticed that the blonde was becoming more uncomfortable, "Wolfram," he gently kissed his neck before returning to look at the blondes dazzling eyes. "I'll stop if you want me to."

Wolfram's cheeks reddened, "W-wimp…!" He ducked in swiftly for another kiss.

Yuuri still felt a slight hesitation in the blonde' actions, he pulled Wolfram into a gentle embrace. He knew the blonde was still harboring secrets deep inside, he could feel the hurt, the pain and insecurities. His pretty roommate had changed with each passing day; it worried him deeply to see the blonde in so much pain.

He didn't know exactly what the blonde was going through but he hoped in time he would feel more comfortable and open with him. Yuuri was a very heartfelt person and hated to see someone in pain, it was like second nature for him to try and help.

The two boys eventually found themselves entangled in one another's embrace, fingertips caressing over one another's body gently as it slowly lulled them both to sleep.

* * *

AN: Very sorry about the shortness again of this chapter. I wanted to have it uploaded for the holidays since its set around that time. It's a bit of a sappy chapter but it's leading up for more. I'm planning for something big next chapter… Just need to find some spare time to write! I didn't get a very big chance to write a lot due to the holiday. But it's something.

Trying my best to keep them in character but giving them a more AU feel is somewhat rough with the story set up. Ah well, enjoy.


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